For the last few years, I've been exploring the meaning of my faith. Do I really believe that Jesus is the son of God, and if I do, what does that mean to me? How can I have a relationship with a God I can't measure or verify with any of the five senses I've been given? If I believe, how much am I willing to risk for Him?
This has been a period of transition for me. I wanted to move away from being someone who just goes to church or simply goes through the motions. I was being moved forward by momentum only, and my forward progress was slowing. But what was I transitioning to? I had to be willing to say that, if necessary, I could transition to being a non-believer. I had to be willing to let the search take me where ever it went.
Well, after 4 long years of struggle, I want to publicly reaffirm my faith in Christ. I genuinely believe that there is a God. I wholeheartedly believe that Jesus is God's Son and His death on the cross has covered my many sins. I am more aware now, than ever, of my need for forgiveness and my total dependence on the grace of God.
This faith demands that I be different. I have hope, and hope should change the kind of person I am. By God's grace, from this day forward, I want to live my life differently.
For these last 4 years, I've been a difficult person to be around ( if not the last 54 ) , because I've challenged everything. Some of that was just me being me ( sorry about that ), but some was a genuine attempt to make sense of how I could relate to an invisible God. Fortunately, I think God likes it when we wrestle with Him. I think He appreciates genuine contact.
I can't say that all of my questions have been answered. There's a lot that, for now, is a matter of faith ... but it's not a blind, stupid faith. I'm going to keep asking questions, because I want to be authentic in my faith. I want Jesus to define this for me. I have no interest in behaving, believing, or acting in a certain way, just because others in the church behave, believe or act a certain way. It's clear that I need to look to " Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith" to find out what it means to be a christian. So, please bear with me, while I figure that out.
